because im a strong girl

motivator(s)

• 90% for TMAN 3001 Virotec essay
• 90% for Advanced Human Computer Interaction seminar (talking about bridges can be fun and satisfying..in a way)
• good progress in statistical analysis on SPSS (I soooo owe you Mark! Thanks zillionss..)
• managed to pull off the HCI progress report in the most effective way possible (Thanks for sticking with me all day long for 3 consecutive days)
• got an email saying: "calm down...buat keje slow2....insyallah boleh nye........ingattt!!!!!!!!!!!be strong...cz i know u are!!!! " (in the exact copy and paste form)Yeahh..I know..simple words je..But then in times like these (time aku tgh bengong), they are really really helpful.
• my supervisors amazement at my in-depth knowledge on statistical analysis (Lazaros..your da man!! ahahaha..)

Major demotivator(s):

• Could not go back to sleep after unintentionally waking up at 6 this morning. Slept at nearly 4. memangla tak cukup tido..Nyesal giler bangun.. Nyesal.Nyesal.Nyesal.Takde pekdah langsung.Lagi bertambah cranky ade laa..
• Yesterday i was all cranky. Mission to find a goddamn good listener to listen me,yapping on and on about how tragic my day was not accomplished. Ended up calling a dear friend of mine at a very odd hour.Eventhough your so far away but thanks giler aah! (Kau la satu-satunye harapan time time-time camnih)
• Still couldnt get the Metamodel concept into my head
• Mom suddenly had quite a serious bleeding from the previous accident.I was really overcome with panic and fear. Takut giler.Serious..(That explains why I was all cranky yesterday)
• I am still cranky today :(

I want to be happy cam kat atas tuh..

whining part I

Cam nak ternangis sebab penat sangat berlari ke sana sini hari ni kat uni (waah..they rhyme!)under the very hot hot sun.Plus,tak reti nak buat assignment Metamodel.Groupmate pon clueless.Went to see Bob Colomb for consultation.Funny thing is I could understand what he was saying during consultation time BUT when tried to map out the metamodel tak boleh laa pulak.I think I got the concept right..ke aku terdistract tgk his white beard yg sgt byk tuh sampai ter mis understand..Isk isk.. Pastuh sakit belakang semacam.Cam org tua la pulak sakit tulang.Aku perlukan whole body massage! Argghhhhh..Bengong + bongek laa camnih.. Ni yang homesick nih..

fariq otai

happy birthday dude!



p/s: tetibe terpanggil nak buat entry utk kau sementara hari nih tak habes lagi..hehe..many happy returns!!

unsettled najwa

i have been thinking about some things a lot lately. the thinking didnt took me far. not even the simplest solution. there is a simple way out but... benci nyer!! why laa i wasnt being smart enough to know what i want in the first place? want vs. need. do i know what i really want? kot.. but i dont want what i actually need. but after i got what i want, do i really need it? does it matter? again, typing this issue had already given me a terrible headache. i realized that i am at my most disorganized stage. unmotivated. unsettled. edgy. down. its not the pms. this brings me to the next roadblock. how in the world am i gonna complete the testing? stupid project!
really really not looking forward to going to Sydney this coming holiday. tapi dah bayar... wasnt even planning to go pun initially but then, decided to go at the very last minute.But now, dont feel like going at all.. very very very unsettled najwa indeed.

N.R

The day I got my initials on a necklace:


N: Najwa
R: err..Raduan..?? Hehe..


General knowledge for the day:

• 'cuci mata' = looking at the menu but not ordering.Something like, "Tengok boleh, pegang jangan". Geddit?
• Gimme an E for effort. Repeat after me e-f-f-o-r-t, EFFORT!!
• Untidy is great but dirty is uurrghhh..
• Marty Casey (the guy from RockStar:INXS show) is sexy. Nyiahaha.. Please download/listen to Trees and you will know why.
• PMS is not nearly as bad as everyone says. When your warned in advanced by your girlfriend,you must surely know to:

1. Cut her a bit of slack
2. Be extra attentive (I mean, EXTRA with a capital E..)
3. Go out

what happened in the past few weeks?

Merdeka nite
Held at UQ. Good performances, okay food, people dressing up = good fun!
"Zapin Zafana" was the dance. Good commitment and the spirit were high that night. Sampai terlucut sampin, ye Wan Sham..Hehe.. Lurveeeee the band! Gambar later!

dreamworld - goldcoast trip
Dreamworld is my favourite theme park among the other parks. Probably because I am not scared of heights or speed and I have strong stomach. Hehe.. Even though it was drizzling that day, we still had fun. Dropped by Surfers Paradise after that just to lepak and breathe in the beautiful scenery di kala mendung and took some piccies. Went to this 1 shop and saw some very cool models of mini cars and bikes. If I had enuff money tht time, memang laa dah lame beli that Ducati.

Presentation
Had one on Thursday. Nervous gila ba** before my turn came. Pelik. Cam laa tak pernah buat before nih. Padahal presentation biase je. Thesis nyer presentation pon lagi besar than this one tapi leh lepak plak. Luckily, my groupmate, Tom sedaya-upaye menenangkan aku yang maybe nampak huru-hara time tuh. Asked me to take a walk with him and made some small talks in order to make me feel at ease. Thanks, dude!

Girls nite in (ok ok,plus the guys as well)
Went to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Ramai-ramai. Was planning to sleep over at Nadiyas after that. Yela.. Kite merancang tuhan je yg menentukan.. Girls nite in ape nye. Last-last everyone ter lepak kat umah Nadiya. Main yg tulis-tulis kat kertas name org-perbuatan-anggota badan-name orang.. Haha.. Yes, I know it does sound silly. Tapi sumer org layan giler! Pastuh, main mafia-mafia lak. Seronok! This is my favourite "board game"! And then sambung lak citer hantu. Mule la sumer org rase cuak kan.. We were so into the game and seronok sangat that we didnt realized that hari dah terang kat luar..

Musim orang balik Malaysia
Lepas satu, satu orang balik. Ape nih? Why? Whyyyyy?? Memule Bahiah, and then Remi, pastuh Rabbit, Bijan lak and K.Fidah pon nak balik bersalin.. Yela, yela.. Gie la balik sumer orang.. Tinggal kan laa aku sorang-sorang kat sini.

Anyways, here is a picture which is totally irrelevant to my entry today. Reminded me so much of those sweet ol' times when we really had fun.



(l-r: me, kimah and huda)

my teeth and I

I browsed through some pictures just now.Pictures of me, me and my friends, me and you dll..Browsing through pictures is officially my favourite pastime at the moment!As if I got nothing better to do.But then, since that is the only thing that I can do to actually get on with my life peacefully.Buat je laa.Anyways,I noticed sumting while looking at the pictures.In one of the pictures where I had this wide grin onmy face,I noticed that I actually had a quite nice set of teeth.Straight and organized.Perasankah saye? Selamberr...I dont give a damn!!Miahahaha..Thanks to those 4 torturing years of wearing braces.Seb baik paid off..I hate it when I had the braces on.Cam geek!The only thing that keep me going was when I got the chance to choose the colourful rubber to be put on my teeth.Pink, Hijau,Baby blue, warna-warna pelangi..Excited semacam! Haha..Tapi doktor India tuh dengki doh.Sumtimes I dont get the coloured ones.He just gave me the plain ones (warna getah) instead.Dengki!!Dulu,I hated to smile because of the stupid braces.Conscious semacam.Nak tgk gamba2 mase ade braces dulu pon tak lalu.HUDUH!! But now,I can smile from ear to ear.Muahaha..Tunjuk sket hasil 4 thn pakai braces tuh.Hihihi..Tak best doh pakai braces.Nak makan susah.Kene selalu gosok gigi.Takleh makan chewing gum or sugus.Takleh gigit apple directly, kene potong dulu.Takleh makan mende-mende keras.Dahla banyak pantang makan.Selalu kene ulcer mulut lak tuh pasal besi.Tapi I didnt obey all the freaking rules laa kan.Ade sekali tuh braces tercabut sbb kunyah Sugus.Wahaha..Panic for a few minutes.Seb baik ok je pastuh.Tapi kene bebel ngan dentist India tuh (oo..Now I know why didnt get the colourful rubbers)..Esok-esok biler ade anak sendri,and if they have to put on the braces,make sure pakai mase kecik2.Dont be like me.Pakai after high school.And then continue mase kat kolej and uni.Tak best doh!

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghh...!!!!!!! part II


just a few hours left before 11.50 pm.

*sob*

crucial to-do-list

• trust my heart
• have faith in myself
• have faith in other things that matter so much
  

As for now, nope, I cant do any of these.
I just hope I can, so that I can stop blabbering, crying before I go to sleep and get on with my life in peace.

i like you

I like you.
I like you a whole lot.
I like you because
When something matters to me,
It matters to you, too.
When you have a good idea,
You tell me first
When I do, I tell you first.
Thats why we make such a great team.

I like you because
When I say something funny, you laugh,
And when Im not my usual self,
You notice right away
And ask me, "Whats wrong?"

You are there for me and Im there for you.
Thats what friends are for.

I like you because - I just do.
When somebody asks me who my best friend is,
I say, "You." And you say, "Me."
And fifty years from now,
We will ll say the same thing.

Thats the way it is and will always be
You can count on it!

I gave this to a dear friend of mine once.
Hey, I really meant it tau. Every single word. You know I am never ever good at saying stuff. For some reasons, I felt that words that usually came out from my mouth are always wrong. They are either spoken at the wrong time, just plain inappropriate, or worse, both. (I sounded quite mean sometimes especially bab nak luah-luah prasan tak best nih).

That is why I always wish that I can be a good conversationalist who will always know what to say. More importantly, being able to express what I think and how I feel in an effective way. Ntah ape problem nye, taktau ah. Nak cakap tak cukup education utk bercakap, mmg tak logic laa kan. Tension tau tak jadik org yg susah nak cakap nih. That is why I need people who can always encourage me to say things that are buried deep in my mind and heart. Bukan susah pun. Alaa.. Macam belajar reflective listening and body language. All those communication skills that you can practice to show that you are really listening to what the other person is saying and show how open and supportive you are towards the other person.

Haa tengok dah menyimpang jauh dah nih. Well, back to the poem above. Yes, I meant it when I gave it to you and I still mean it now. Up to now, you are the only person that I think fit all the description above. Some people just dont get what I said. Funny things lagi laa. You made me feel much appreciated. And thanks for that.

I felt like such a bum for not being able to be there yesterday to celebrate. I know I should. I really hope you had a great time. Being surrounded by good friends AND good food (I earned a bit of credits for that tiramisu!Hehe..)

I just did not expect that your birthday will be celebrated earlier. Because I was planning to do something special for you on your birthday. You know how I like doing all the sweet surprises. Hehe.. Rase amat satisfied melihat orang gembire kerana mendapat kejutan kejutan yang membahagiakan.

What you said a while ago, "Kawan menangis susah nak cari and kawan ketawa senang nak jumpe." Or something like that. I just hope that I am still both. Even though I know that we rarely see and talk to each other due to commitments and stuff but hey, I am always here if you ever need someone to listen to you.

I even feel a bit 'sebak' while writing this. It might be the pms. I do not know for sure. My life is an emotional roller-coaster these past few weeks.

Well, happy birthday and thanks for being you.

serious panic attack

TETIBE GILER RASE TAK SEDAP HATI!!!!!!





get what I mean? Tak sedap, tak sedaaaaap..!!!
HELP!

yang ku mau II

This is a 're-entry' of a previous post.I know some people might puke hearing another one of my rambling that clearly portray my obsession with Mt.Cootha.Cant help it.A heartfelt wish tht I dont know when it will come true.

dont go away

A cold and frosty morning theres not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
As the day was dawning your plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

And I wanna be there when youre...
Coming down
And I wanna be there when you hit the ground

So dont go away say what you say
But say that you ll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I cant find the words to say
About all the things caught in my mind
Me and you whats going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

Remember when I said that songs make it easier to say stuff that are at times,hard to express? Yeap.This one here is another song that did just that..

Dont go away,
Just stay..

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!!!!!!!!!

a Desperate piece of advice

"Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we are closest to can betray us. And total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned."

See, watching Desperate Housewives is not just for mere source of entertainment.I can learn something from it too, at least something that I reckon I can relate to..

whatever will be will be

All of a sudden,I am terribly scared of where the recent uncertainty in my life will lead me next... Hisyhh... I hate this feeling.

B U S Y

s i c k

h.e.a.d.a.c.h.e

c a t a s t r o p h i c



be my remedy?..

Moments that take our breath away

As we get older, it is not the things that we did that we often regret (ok, sometimes laa) but the things that we didnt do. Oleh sebab itu, I like planning things. I know that not everything that I plan will go accordingly. But somehow, when I have got a plan, there is something that I can look forward to. This is what makes life more meaningful. It motivates me whenever I have something planned out. It is not just big plans (I am not sure how you ppl define big) like special dinners/function, go holidaying or even bigger things like future plans ke yang matters.. To me, even small silly things like gi grocery shopping at Coles ke, beli orange-poppy seed muffin kat main refec ke, walking along Brisbane river ke or anythinglaa dah cukup membuatkan hati ini berase gembira dan bersemangat. Barula ade reason nak start a new day. Eventhough these are small and simple things, but they are stuff of life that sometimes we all overlook. Lumrah kehidupan, we will only realize the importance of things or people when they all have been taken away. Biler dah ade depan mate, tak reti reti nak appreciate. Biler dah hilang, barula terhegeh-hegeh nak nyesal. Hence, we must make the most out of every single day. Take notice of ordinary things that we always take for granted. We all have different definition of these things that we called ordinary. Lain orang, lain la expectation nye. Tapi tak salah kalau kite letak sedikit effort utk cube jadi lebih appreciative. Eventhough what you are trying to do might sound silly to other people, tapi biarlah kan. Sometimes, it upsets me when people do not have plans. Not that I am forcing everyone around me to be a strict supper-planner but this go-with-the-flow belief somehow, irritates me. Bukan laa salah taknak plan apepe, biar je ikut flow, bukan tak boleh, boleh.. Tengok situation laa kan. Orang boleh cakap nanti frust or sia-sia je plan, alih-alih tak jadi. Memangla. Sape yg tak tension bile bende yang plan tak jadi. Tapi dari takde effort langsung nak cube, the least we can do is try. I understand that some people have their own reasons for just letting life taking its own toll. Maybe they are afraid of what they plan might actually come true, maybe they are just too scared or just plain lazy. But whatever the reason is, wouldnt it be nicer when you have something to look forward to?

general rambling

Today was good,in general.I had lectures from 10 am till late in the evening.Surprisingly,I felt quite good (for certain things) and displeased, distressed, disppointed, dissatisfied, saddened, whatever you may call it, because of certain things. Well,it was (and still is) only one main thing that I am mad about but I just feel like using plural forms here.

Got my Business Process assignment back.It was sh** disasterous.I got it all wrong.Satu pon tak betol.Sangat-sangatla terase bodoh sekejap dikala itu.Luckily,she said I could resubmit, provided that I do it more carefully this time. (Thank you God!) Lagipun,Shazia IS a nice lecturer.I kinda expected that this will happen.Heh.Then, went to TMAN3001 lecture.I think im gonna really like this course.Why? Besides the assessments are not that hard (I hope), I get to meet Nan,Mapen,Fuad and Fazz during the lecture.Never in my life I have this many melayu Malaysians (yang kenal rapat..kan korang kan..?) in my class.So,best la.After lect, went to main refec wif Nan and Mapen. Had lunch and spent the noon borak-borak.Dah lame la gak tak borang lame camnih esp about stuff yg tak selalu diborakkan :)

I think most people will notice the 'green' students around uni within this week.Students International House yg dok promote Soiree diorang.Best gak Soiree.International food (but tak sume leh makan) and International cultural performances.The presence of 'orang-orang hijau' tuh somehow managed to light up the UQ environment a bit.Colourful.EKKA pun dah start.Nak gie ke haa? Dunno laa.. Went there last year.God knows how much I spent.Tapi best gak if pegi lagi.As long as I have got good company to go with.

Aarghh..dah banyak cerite bende-bende best yang happened today,I still feel displeased, distressed, disppointed, dissatisfied, saddened (whatever you may call it).Bongek.Bongek.Bongek. Sabar sabar. 1,2,3....Fooh.... Bosan siy**!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways,I am really looking forward to this wekend (with/without EKKA or Soiree).At least,I have something special and beneficial to do.Yay!!

Are things getting more and more complicated or is it just me who is becoming less intelligent?

I am taking a subject which requires me to investigate/study/analyze Brisbanes Green Bridge project which will link Dutton Park and UQ. (Find more info about it here.)

From its name, clearly I have to spend this whole semester studying about bridge. Fun stuff, I would say, to get the chance to let my so-called creativity to think of questions like; what are the devices that can be added to make the bridge more appealing? What sort of facilities can attract more people to use it and at the same time saves energy?

My groupmates and I had several discussions on how to make the bridge use sustainable energy so that it is environmental friendly. Some of our ideas included monkey bars for those who have strong arms (but what about the old citizens?), slingshot that basically will shoot people to the other side (target location can change: must put safety net around the bridge), treadmills for pedestrians to cross the river to the other end, rats/chimps on treadmills instead of humans etc etc etc. If only my brain cells can allow me to think beyond my normal level of thinking. I need to be more creative here! I remembered that when I was in high school we had this mind-mapping thing before starting an essay. I loved that at that time coz I always got some ideas and good solutions to answer the essay. The question must be much easier back then but still, I could generate my own ideas. But now, I find a bit hard to do that. Too much msg in food kot..otak pun agak lembap laa…