i think im paranoid*
*someone who exhibits extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others

You can look, but you cant touch
I dont think I like you much
Heaven knows what a girl can do
Heaven knows what youve got to prove

I think Im paranoid
And complicated
I think I'm paranoid
Manipulate it

Bend me, break me
Anyway you need me
All I want is you
Bend me, break me
Breaking down is easy
All I want is you
I fall down just to give you a thrill
Prop me up with another pill
If I should fail, if I should fold
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole

I think Im paranoid
Manipulate it
I think Im paranoid
And complicated

Paranoid I think Im paranoid

Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me
Bend me
Break me
Anyway you need me
As long as I want you baby it's all right

Bend me break me
Any way you need me
As long as I want you baby it's all right

paranoids love Garbage!

nothing intriguing crossed my mind

hence this picture..



giler cool aah rambut die!!


(will ban Brisbane school of hairdressing for a while)

wishy wish

There are so many things that I wish I could be.For example,I wish I was more outgoing and outspoken so that I could talk to anyone and befriend more people. I also wish I was more emotionally detached so that I could stop being so sensitive coz it made me feel so vulnerable and helpless and bloated with feelings of guilt sometimes.I wish I was funny and witty so that I could say all the clever things and make people laugh.I wish I had a stronger mind so that I could for once ignore what other people would think and say about me.I wish I was a better mind-reader so that I would know the things to do satisfy and make other people happy. I wish I was less selfish and be a more giving person.I wish I was more optimistic so that I could worry less, loosen up a bit and enjoy the many things that life could offer.I wish I could have more fun without thinking about the consequences later.I wish I was more spontaneious, fun and entertaining.I wish I was slimmer.I wish I have longer, shapely legs (Haha). I wish I... I wish, I wish, I wish...

aku dah bosan!

tak sabanye nak tunggu grad ujong tahun nih
tak sabanye nak balik Malaysia balik
tak sabanye nak tunggu umur 26 tahun
tak sabanye nak pindah rumah baru
tak sabanye nak belaja bawak keta and of course, ade keta sendri
tak sabanye nak duduk sendri
tak sabanye nak... macam-macam aah..

seberapa pantas

assalamualaikum and hello!
im back in Brissy.Safely touched the ground of Queensland and breathed in the winter air last Monday,11th. Holiday terpakse dipendekkan.Was supposed to be an ultimate holidayer till 21st July. Cam baru je semalam sampai KL. Just 10 days. Nak makan goreng pisang pun tak sempat!Anyways, during my short time in Msia, I managed to kerja for 3 days at Petrosains..Hehe..Best! Sebab kat situ boleh laa nak catch up ngan rakan-rakan,tukar-tukar gossip dan sebagainye.I was soo lucky that K.Anina,Mujtahid,Syafiq,Arrifin, Farah and Huzaifah were still there. Its still the same science centre. Same routine and almost the same people.Some I was most delighted to see and some..well,lets just say, I just culdnt stand the sight of them.

And also, I met up with Kimah!! Kimah dearie..By any chance if your reading this,I am truly sorry for not being able to stay longer.sigh.Kena balik cepat.Lucky I went to see you that day.At least boleh tanya2 khabar, even for a short while.Next time I promise I will make myself available for you to belanja kayh!! Muahhh!!

Quite sad gak this time mase nak balik that day kat KLIA.My mom just dropped me off.Kesian dia tak larat nak send me off properly because of her still recovering legs.She can only walk with crutches and if nak gi grocery shopping ke (cam hari tuh) must use wheelchair. Luckily she can already drive.Yay! I know I should be driving her but then takleh nak wat camne kan.. Ni pun dah cukup rase miserable yang amatlah sangat.Sigh.I just cant imagine how my younger sist and bro and of course of my dad, took care of her needs for the last few months.Mase baru-baru lagi accident,she was still very very weak.Memang kena jaga dgn serba teliti nye.Nak gi toilet,nak mandi,nak makan etc etc.. Itah and Aiman,thanks yah.. Even for that short while I was at home,I did what I could to help her.Time-time camnilah kite kene jage mak kite..Baru lah rase camne susahnye mak kite jage kite mase kite kecik-kecik dulu.Ni baru sorang je mak.Kalau mak yang ada ramai anak tuh tak dapatlah nak bayangkan camne.

IFRAN!!
Oitz!! Alaaaaaaaaa..Your not in Brisbane anymore. SOB! We are so gonna miss you here. I am pretty sure skarang nih,kalau bunyi jarum jatuh pun boleh dengar kot kat unit 4 tuh. No more 'melalak' session. Aman dan damai lah Richard and Bernadette kerane unit 4 tidak akan bising seperti dulu lagi. Haha.. Tapi tak bestlaa kau takde..Serius!
Thank you for all your advices, jokes,MJ walk,openness,air coklat yg best, teman aku mase aku tgh boring and depressed etc etc..Banyak giler kalau nak list out kan semua. And sorry for everyting jugak.Tak sempat nak hang out pun mase balik that day.What happened to our plan of going to a mamak stall in Gombak yang ade salsa dancers tuh?Hehe..Next time tau..

rentetan peristiwa

Several meaningful happenings in the past few weeks which I wanted to post but didnt due to my 'endless hectic life'. Plus, I will be away for 3 weeks and might not be posting anything interesting.(at the time of this entry is typed,I am already in KL)..
And just in case, if anyone misses me during my absence, you people can always have a sneak at the piccies here..Haha..

Rollerblading bersama rakan-rakan




my 22nd birthday


Home-made pizzas + cheesecake: Effort by those yg concern and really care tht I have a very happy 22nd..


himpunan hadiah-hadiah. Many many thanks!

Also not in the picture: Birthday smses + wishes + calls esp frm yg jauh2 di sana, sling bag frm me familia and birthday cards.. T H A N K S!


memorable outings..

point to ponder

All of a sudden, I think I am being unreasonable and a bit selfish that I scare myself..
Is it because I expect too much or things are just being the way they are and I am the one who needs to get used to it? Entah laa..



Btw, I have added some more links (some websites + frens blogs). This should be done waaaay earlier but sori ye rakan2, saye seorang yang pelupe :)

life after exam pt.II

Semuanya bermula di sini..


My oriental clutch bag and a mug of hot choc were witnesses to what happened on the night of our outing to The 3 Monkeys


Everyone seems normal before the abduction..


Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil


Sambungan of the no-evil-fellowship..Miahaha!


Waiting to be abducted by a spaceship..


After the abduction: Everyone got superpowers..



Disclaimer: The pictures above are moments captured on the girls nite out. Probably the aftermath upon finishing exams. Kazzilions of apologies if you are emotionally distressed by them :)

life after exam

It has been quite some time since the last time we had a girls nite out. So, we had one yesterday. Ramai-ramai (not really ramai la, satu keta je) went to everyones favourite hang-out place, 3 Monkeys. We ordered Hot Mocha, Muguccino (tol ak spelling Rabs?), Hot Choc and Iced Choc as well as some cakes. Raspberry White Chocolate Cheesecake and Chocolate Mud Cake. Sedap sangat-sangat. Tgh type nih pon terliur lagi. Ehehe.. I even tapau a slice of that Raspberry cake. Punye laa sedap..Nak suruh org lain rase jugak betape yummy nye cake tu.. And then, we had a session of 'gigam'. Macam2 posing adaa.. We noticed that the 2 guys sitting next to our table trying hard not to laugh watching us yg kejap dok seblah sane, pastuh kat sini plak, tarik kerusi laa, cube buat muke 'savvy'.. Hahaha.. We were clearly making ourselves at home. Adegan 'gigam' tidak berhenti di situ sahaja. On our way back, we stopped by the UFO-thing which is just next to 3 Monkeys. Amik gamba kat situ pulak. Kereta2 yg stop kat traffic lights tuh sure ingat kitorg tgh ade ritual pemujaan ke or jakun nye minah-minah nih.. Lantak laa kan.. Bukan selalu. Haha..Will letak several piccies later. Mak called just now. They were on their way to Muadzam, Pahang to send my younger sist off to Uniten. She will be doing pre-u in Accountancy. Hehe.. Soo not in the plan.. Takpela Itah.. Tu pun kire ok jugak.. All the best! Will visit you there when I go back next week okay! Speaking of going back, counting the days je nih nak balik Malaysia. Tapi have to go through Pet interview dulu.. Urggh.. Takmo! Suddenly, I am not that enthusiastic to balik. Isyhh.. I know I should be happy like, wheeeeeeee..!! Best nye nak balik! Yeah, rite.. Pastuh, sekarang nih rase sangap gler. The girls went to the city just now. I just dont feel like going out. Pastuh boring dok umah. Padan laa muka sendri. Luckily Rabs at home. If not, mmg mati kutu.. Pegi city esok, jom??

take me away




take me away
take me away
Ive got nothing left to say
just take me away
dont give up on me yet
dont forget who I am
I know Im not there yet
but dont let me stay here alone..

saya sudah merdeka!!

Finished my exam last Friday exactly at 10.15 am.Yay! I am officially off the hook. But I still have one more report to complete but it should be ok I reckon :) The first thing that I did after my last exam was heading straight to the city.Best best.Bought some stuff like scented candles and aromatherapic fragrances.In times like these, I love going shopping alone.I dont have to wait for other ppl to choose the top that they want to buy and can spend as long as I want in a shop.Hehe.But there are times when shopping berjemaah adalah sangat-sangat dialu-alukan. And then later in the evening,me,ili,remy,wan,hafiz,nan,amar and ifran went to watch movie at Southbank.Initially, we wanted to watch Mr & Mrs Smith but sold out laa plak.Ended up watching Batman Begins.It was good.For those yg nak tau camne Bruce Wayne boleh jadi Batman(like me),sure rase movie nih worth watching...

Will pick up my flight ticket tomorrow.I cant believe that I am going back this winter break.Have never done this before.A spontanieous decision that I made during Swotvac.I hope I will have fun back home.I just want to relax and unwind.Too many things happened and too much stress.Eventhough I know I will miss Brisbane for 3 weeks(quite badly) but this might just be the getaway that I need.Hehe..

All For Believing
(another brilliant song by Missy Higgins)

Pull back the shield between us, and Ill kiss you
Drop your defenses and come, into my arms

Im all for believing, Im all for believing
Im all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within

I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind but I,
I see you have painted your soul into your guard
Im all for believing, I'm all for believing

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you
I need to find the key let me in, into your heart, to find your soul
Pull back the shield between us, and Ill kiss you
Drop your defenses and come, into my arms
Im all for believing, Im all for believing

Im all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within
And say you will be there for me to hold

When the faith grows old
And life turns cold
When the faith grows old and life turns cold

So if you are cold I will stay, maybe fate will guide the way
I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be
Just believe
Just believe
Just believe
Trust in me

--------
I REALLY am all for believing:

I believe that I will pass my INFS4205 exam. (Tolong laa pass..Tolooong laaa..)
I believe that I will do well in MGTS3601 exam.
I believe that I will have tremendous fun in Malaysia when I go back for holiday.
I believe that I will get through my interview easily.
I believe that I will leave a good impression on the interviewers. (Hehe..Sangat2 wish!)
I believe that I will graduate at the end of this year.
I believe that I made the right decision.
I believe in you.

So, help me God.Do not let all the things that I believe in, dissapoint me.

For those who still have exams, Good luck!!

weeeeeee...

In the midst of a critical-tak-cukup-mase-nak-study-for-exam situation, I just wanna say:
tralalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

:)

sometimes, some songs make it easier to express things that are hard to say..

Im losing you
Im losing all control
Just let me be
Let me be alone for now
I want to be alone tonight

Once and again we ve gone off track
And lost all hope for coming back
It's time to restart again
And try all over again

Its time to work
The work is useless now
Can't you see
Your help is lost to me
I want to be alone tonight

Rooney - Losing all control

chaos

A lot happened this week. Some were good, some were bad. Some were sweet, some were bitter. One thing for sure: I learnt a lot. There were too many things that I wanted to say that it twinged if I didnt just blurt it all out. Its high-time for everyone. SWOTVAC is here! Sumer org pon busy study. Saye juge yg tak start2 lagi. Things just come and go unexpectedly. I am going back to Malaysia this July. Yay!! Yay coz I get to see my beloved family but not-so-yay as I was supposed to do some stuff for my honours project. But it was all worth it. My mom asked me to come home since she wanted to come here but couldnt because of her still-recovering knees. Me and me mom had a very long and deep phone conversation last nite. I dont know why but maybe she could hear the tense in my voice. She then asked me to balik to tenang-tenang kan fikiran. Honestly, I AM fine and calm. Nothing to be worried about. But then, since dah offer suruh balik, balik laa kan.. Hehe..

And then my friend whos studying in the US is going to the DCI Final. Tau enggak apa itu DCI Final? DCI stands for Drum Corps International. Its a major championship where top marching bands compete. I was like,"Aaaaarrrggghhh!Aku nak ikut jugak" when she told me this morning. Band-band hebat seperti Blue Devils, Madison Scouts and of course my favourite; The Cavaliers which I worship since form one, are all going to be there, performing proudly in the open field. I am sure none of these make sense to the general viewers. Sure korang cam, ek elee..Best ke bende-bende ni? But those yg used to be in a marching band or somehow interested in these kinda stuff tau laa kot betape best and hebatnye the bands I mentioned earlier and how supercallifragillicitexpelidocoius-cool nye if I could get the chance to watch them perform live even once. I envy you Wannani!!

The Drumline: smart giler tahap cih-pan!

(Once upon a time, I used to play THAT and did something like wht they did in the pic..I wanted to be back in the band.Obviously I am still-not-over-the-excitement-of-playing-snare phase..Hoho..Weyh,dahlaa..Move on ok!)

as requested



danesz, this ones for u babe! hehe..
cudnt find the "i m not your puppet" pic..

it sure feels like shit and..



.. for that

*I am in dire need of retail theraphy*

the day i turned 22..


i know that we are gonna celebrate my birthday at Pancake Manor's..


but I did not expect THIS!! :)


me, still overwhelmed by what just happened..

Many thanks to everyone who made last night a night not to be forgotten.Heh..Seriously, I am still touched by korang nye sweetness nih.. :) Giler tak larat!! And also thank you for the homemade pizzas, apple pie and cheesecake. I felt soo gemok but happy..Hehe.. Thanks guys. You made my day!!

(Zillion thanks to Ili and Huda for your shoulders and ears.Words can never describe how glad I was to let it all out. Thanks for being there!)

statistical analysis = bengong, muak,bosan,tensi,sakit kepale,confused

Buat kira-kira statistic to analyze questionnaire adalah saaaaaangat memeningkan.

Sesungguhnya,sekarang ini:



adalah...



Sekian, terima kasih.

I want this sooo bad sampai mimpi.

h u g e r e l i e f

The presentation was alright. I was a nervous wreck by the time it was my turn to present. Second person for today. The first person was a Chinese guy with his "Digital Archaeological Library" project. I was relieved when Lazaros came in the room. And was a bit surprised when he came with Sean. But it was a pleasant one though. Hoho. They both were my lecturers last sem. But I didnt like Sean at tht time coz I think he had quite a wicked sense of humour. Very sarcastic and suke kenekan org. Very dry British jokes. And not funny at all. Hoho. But then, I realized he was actually quite nice. Especially when he helped me out with my thesis this sem. A cool guy I would say for his age. I am not sure how old he is (I am pretty sure hes quite old) but I know he listens to all those grunge-alternative-rock music. This one day, I saw his cd collection in his office. There were American Idiot, Absolution, Franz Ferdinand, Blur to name a few and lots of others yg tak ingat dah. Tapi sumer rock bands. Giler banyak cd die. Serius! Cool la Sean.. I also remember last sem when some of us were begging him to extend the submission due date because of Muse nye concert, he was pretty lenient about it. Ntah2 die pon pegi jugak. Hehe.. Anyways, I was really grateful tht Sean did ask me a question tht I can answer during my presentation just now. However, kantoi jugak laa when Lazaros asked me sumting about the reality centre. From where I was standing, I could see Sean smiling sebab dia tau aku kantoi! Adusss.. but then he said it was alrite. Overall performance was good. Yay! Before they both went out, Sean sempat tanye: <I reckon you should help me lecturing next sem> Aha!! Very funny Sean. I take that as a compliment! :p I just managed to put a big smile on my face at tht time. Tak larat nak reply. Dah cukup cuak dah tadi.. Esok gue kene conduct experiment pulak. Sesape yg involved, esok tau, jangan lupe!

thesis seminar presentation : 24 May 2005 [11.40 am , 78 - 622]

The 'cuak'est moment (the one that I have been waiting for but hope it wouldnt come) will come tomorrow.Its either I strut my stuff successfully and wow the audience (esp Lazaros) or screwed up big time. Though I would really looooove to have the former but the latter is just as possible. I sure need all the luck in the world and pray that everything will run as smooth as possible.