Wednesday, November 12, 2008

throbbing head

nyut nyut nyut... if I could practically hear my own head throbbing, that was how it would sound like. it was really loud. it must have been the weather. it was raining quite heavily outside plus i kinda had a heavy lunch just now. relevan kah? it was really a long looooong day today. everything just seemed to be moving really slow. the big boss didnt even call me to her office which she did (almost) on hourly basis... amazing.... i had a training in Bangi on Monday. As the training was about a revised process from my dept so my colleague and i went as a co-faci. (read: a messenger who is shot directly without getting the chance to protect herself). Oh yes..it was a tough audience. Being quite new in this area, we were really digging our own graves lah kan when we both decided to go - just the 2 of us. Was it just the culture here; giving negative criticism just for the fun of bringing down other people in front of others? Or it would boil down to the individuals at the end of the day? Nak kata tak berpelajaran, dah pangkat Manager dah.. Nak kata muda - hot young bloods tend to be more aggressive, umur dah tua dah & tgk rambut pun dah beruban.. I simply dont understand lah. What we introduced was meant to ease the burden off their ugly backs as dulu2, it was all done manually (sampai juling2 mata nak skim through ratusan CV one by one, sbg contoh.. Now with just a few simple clicks, tadaaa.. It could all be finished in flashes of flash. We were working our pretty asses off to improve the process which at the end of the day, would help them to produce better and faster results. We do welcome feedbacks for improvement. But it really is hard to generate a fruitful discussion with them if they have planted negative thoughts in their minds even before they tried to use the system. Kolot lah mereka. And sangat typical Malays. Hohh..





On a lighter note, a walk down the memory lane....

Spot me if you can!!! Sapa berjaya, dapat hadiah..

This picture was taken..let me see.. about 13 years ago?.. hehehe.. Gila old school.. Those are all "the clan" lah back in those days.. I miss having Chinese friends around.. Believe it or not, I used to speak Malay in Chinese slang ok, complete with "hoh", "meh","aaar","waaaiii..", "eee-yeee.." (untuk express something that you are disgusted about. Dapat bayangkan x?).

Example 1: "Teacher, teacher.. Can go to toilet aaar?"

Example 2: "Waah.. So bad one.. But why is it like that meh?"

At first I didnt notice it and I thought it was normal until I went to an all-girls' boarding school where the total population was made up with Malays.

So, people..Spot me!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

perhaps,perhaps,perhaps

have u ever felt so down and low that all these feelings started to bottle up, and burst into a massive pang of hatred. i think it just happened to me today. an incident happened. initially i was really sad and down and all. i even mourned for it for the past 3 days. but after doing all i could and what i could but unfortunately not getting even a single gesture of appreciation, & acknowledgement, i started to think that maybe...just maybe...somebody was having fun watching me tortured and emotionally strained. that sadness that i felt somehow has changed slowly and dangerously into anger. angry that why lah im putting all these effort but yet, i was treated like an invisible person. and this, mistah, has made you the lowliest of the human beings.

it is so much easier to get through the day & face the world when you are angry rather than being sad.

*yes,yes, i am being a bit emo today.dah lama tak ber-emo dlm blog ini bukan?*